it's too hot outside to masturbate.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
