i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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