I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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