we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
