I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
