You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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