where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
