yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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