yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
