i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
