He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
