i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
