You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
