Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i now understand why vodka
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
