i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
two words...techno handjob
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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