I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think a kid would responsible me up
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
