Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
