i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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