He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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