My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
