it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
