The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
