I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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