I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
