Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
