So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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