JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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