I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
