Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
