I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
