doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
True strength comes from lack of pants
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
