Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
