ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
