Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
