Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
home. puking in laundry basket.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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