I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
