okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
