I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You are a genius and a whore.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
