remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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