this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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