She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
