Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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