I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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