Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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