I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
