do herpes really smell.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
