is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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