The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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