I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
