shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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