i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
