Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
