I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
