Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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