there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
