just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
