There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
