I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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