dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
