So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
