Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
