your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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