Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
