Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up

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(612): View more from Minnesota

just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?

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(970): View more from Colorado

Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs

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(613): View more from Ontario

that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.

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