Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
