Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
