Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
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Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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