yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
