Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
