I have demons in me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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