There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
