she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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