Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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