Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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