My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
