i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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