That's intense
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
