i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
