I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
