im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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