First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
