He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
